RWBY vs JNPR
by SD114
Summary: Two teams of soldiers battle for control of the least desirable piece of real estate in all of Remnant - an abandoned valley in the middle of nowhere. Now rated M, because the RvB cast swears. A lot. I blame those dirty Blues.
1. Why Are We Here?

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1\. Here

Yang and Ruby stared into the distance from atop the circular stone temple in the Emerald Valley.

"Hey Ruby." Yang broke the peaceful quiet of the valley.

"Yeah?"

"You ever wonder why we're here?"

"I don't know, Yang. Did some.. gods place us here?" Ruby pulled up the hood of her cloak. "Do we have a purpose? Was my mom supposed go missing? What about yours? Was this all a part of some sort of.. plan? From the gods, and stuff? I don't know. But it keeps me up at night." The sisters were quiet for a moment, taking in the meaning behind Ruby's words before Yang spoke up.

"No, I mean, why are we, y'know, here? Like, in the middle of this valley?" she clarified.

"Oh. Uh, I dunno."

"What was that stuff about gods?"

"Nothing!"

"You wanna talk about it?"

Ruby pulled herself further into her cloak. "No!"

"You sure?" Yang put a hand on her sister's shoulder.

"Yeah!"

...

From a nearby cliff, an girl in bronze armor with long, red hair watched them through the scope of a similarly colored rifle.

"What are they doing?" She turned her head from the rifle to the blonde boy in jeans and a hoodie, protected by armor plates on his torso and arms. He was tall, blonde, scraggly, and a bit of an idiot.

"What was that, Jaune?" the riflewoman asked.

"What are they doing down there?" Jaune repeated.

Pyrrha Nikos, star athlete of Mistral and world-renowned fighter, sighed to herself. "You asked me that five minutes ago. And five minutes before that. But they're still just standing there. They're still just talking, and when you ask me five minutes from now, I'm still going to tell you, they're still just standing there, and they're still just talking." It was uncommon for her to get anywhere near this upset, especially towards Jaune. Jaune didn't speak for a few seconds, and Pyyrha returned to studying the base.

"What are they talking about?"

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	2. Puma

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 **A/N: Happy Halloween! I'll (probably) be posting Sangheili, a bad horror story I'm writing, by the end of the night (here in California).**

2\. Puma

"Yang! Ruby! Get down here!" A voice that could only belong to Weiss Schnee summoned the sisters from atop the base.

"Oh, f-" Yang muttered to herself.

"Yeah, Weiss!" Ruby replied cheerfully. They found Weiss waiting for them at the bottom.

"What's this all about, Weissy? We leaving yet?" Yang asked.

The heiress shot her an unamused glare. "No. Blake, bring out the vehicle!" she called. A truck of some kind emerged from behind Ruby and Yang, and they turned to stare in awe at the new machine. It was olive drab, with two seats in the front and a shiny, three-barreled machine gun in the back. Two tow hooks were in the front. Yang immediately dashed over to inspect the vehicle, and Ruby disappeared in a flurry of rose petals, reappearing in the bed of the truck next to the machine gun.

"Most people like to call this the Puma." Blake explained.

"Puma? Looks more like a warthog to me!" Ruby said.

"What? What the heck is a warthog?" Yang asked. "Sounds made up."

Weiss cleared her throat. The rest of the group turned to her. "Command has decided to increase our rank here at Emerald Valley Outpost Red."

"Aw, nuts." Yang interrupted. "We're getting a new member, aren't we?" That got the rest of the team talking, much to Weiss' annoyance.

"They better not bring a.. dog." Blake said.

"Wonder if it's someone we know?" Yang wondered.

Ruby whispered something about meeting new weapons.

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	3. Shiny New Machines

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 **A/N: 2 chapters in 1 day! Trick or treat, or whatever. Take the damn candy.**

3\. Shiny New Machines

"Aw, man!" Jaune complained. "How come they get a car?"

"We're getting a tank in the very next drop, Jaune." Pyrrha reminded him.

"Yeah, but you can't pick up chicks in a tank!"

 _I bet the other team doesn't have to put up with anything like this_ , she thought to herself.

...

"Salutations!" Yang and Blake stared at the new arrival. Yang had a mortified expression, and Blake was simply hunched over with a worried look.

Yang quickly grabbed Blake's arm and pulled her to the side. "What is she doing here?!" Yang whisper-shouted.

"Penny's the new-" Blake started.

"No, but why is she _heeeeere?!_ "

"What, like, metaphysically?" Yang interrupted Blake before she could go any further. She knew whe this conversation would lead.

"We need to get rid of her!"

"Greetings!"

Blake and Yang quickly jumped back, startled at the sudden intrusion.

"Penny! Hi! Uh, we.. need you to go to the... store! Yeah, the store!" Yang lied.

"I did not know there was a store here?" Penny asked.

"Yeah, just.. Go to the store and get some elbow grease.. And headlight fluid."

With every sentence spoken in this conversation, Blake's palm pressed further into her face. _I bet the other team doesn't have to put up with anything like this_ , she thought to herself.

...

"So I say to the guy, 'How are you gonna get this to the base?' and he goes, 'I'll just put it on the ship.', so I go, 'If you got a ship that can carry a tank, why not just put the guns on the ship instead?' so he goes-"

"Jaune?"

"Yes, Pyrrha?"

"Could you please.. stop rambling on like that? I'm sorry."

"Oh. Yeah." In front of Pyrrha, Jaune, and their third member, Ren, was a massive metal beast of a vehicle. It looked like it could blow up the entire world.

"Man, I was totally wrong. We could totally pick up chicks in this. Probably two or three at a time."

"You couldn't even get one girl, Jaune. What're you going to do with three?" Ren asked.

"Chicks are like.. the jewels in that key from X-Ray and Vav, man. The more you're hooked up with, the more you can do."

...

Meanwhile, Penny came across a base. Three people stood outside it, staring at a SM-45/HBT tank. "Oh! They sell tanks! Team RWBY would like that."

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 **A/N: It's funny Ren was "introduced" in the chapter posted the day I dressed as him for Halloween.**


	4. The Rookies

A/N: Haha wow. So much for my pitiful attempt at daily updates. Whatever, I'll try to update more often from now on. Here's something more out of the norm, I s'pose.

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4\. The Rookies

"Falling? What do you mean, fall- SHIIIIIIT-" The metal platforms launched eight of Charon Academy's newest students high into the air.

Dexter Grif was fully aware of his situation, and was panicking as if there were no tomorrow. Which there may well not have been. Then he noticed how the other, lighter (read: less fat) students were flying faster and farther ahead of him. Soon enough, he hit the water well before the shores of the target forest with a loud splash.

Minutes later, Grif emerged from the water, wet and tired. Another student in pink stood before him, doing a hula and holding a necklace of colourful flowers. They made what would be considered eye contact; it was hard to tell, what with the polarized visors.

"Oh, yeah!"

"Oh, FUCK!"

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Tex landed into a clearing deep within the forest, with only a slight rustling of leaves giving away her arrival. She rolled and stopped in a crouch. Looking to her left, then her right, the black-armored fighter pulled out two SMGs and sprayed seemingly randomly all around her. Standing up, several Grimm fell dead around her.

"Hm." A scope raised from the gun in Tex's right hand, and she pressed it's barrel into the stock of the gun in her left, creating a larger DMR rifle. Leveling her rifle, she fired another short burst into the forest.

"WHOA, FUCK! Same team, same team!" Out of the bushes, a man in cobalt armour emerged, carrying a glowing blue, semi-transparent shield in his left hand.

"Wait.. Tex?"

"Church."

There was a quiet silence in the clearing.

Then Tex brought the rifle back up again.

"NO WAIT FUCK! TEX!"

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A/N: Okay, I'll be honest. I have not watched all of RvB, so the characters might act a little.. off sometimes. Sorry don't kill me.


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